Learn To Forgive And Let Go with Mindfulness

It is pretty much impossible to live life without getting hurt at some point, often through no fault of our own. Yet even though it may not be our fault we often carry around resentment and hate from that hurt for months, years and sometimes a lifetime. While we carry this around it affects our decisions, attitudes, confidence, self esteem and weighs us down, stopping us enjoying life to the full. Having unresolved emotional pain affects us when we experience something similar again too as it just keeps accumulating which is certainly not mindful.

A couple of key things to remember are, it doesn’t matter how much resentment or hate you hold inside for another person or situation you are the only person feeling that resentment and hate, in fact, it is probably likely the other person gives it no thought at all anymore so it’s only yourself you hurt with the hate and resentment. You may be in the right now and maybe you were in the right at the time but the only person feeling this resentment and hate is you and holding onto it for longer just prolongs your own pain.

Also by allowing yourself to forgive someone or a situation for which you are still carrying this resentment and hate does not mean you need to forget how it made you feel at the time and they certainly don’t need to to know they’ve been forgiven. All you are doing is giving yourself the gift of forgiveness which allows you to let go of the resentment, hate and pain you’ve been carrying around all this time. You are doing this purely for you. This will allow you to be happier, have better well-being and allow you to be mindful in similar situations, judging them purely and fairly on what you are experiencing in the present moment instead of bringing previous unresolved emotional pain to an unrelated moment.

By doing this you are being kind and compassionate to yourself which is important for mindfulness. You will also enable yourself to feel happier as you will not be ruminating anymore and causing yourself more pain with thoughts about the resentment and hate. Take back control of your own feelings, thoughts and emotions and give yourself the power to control how you feel about this. It doesn’t matter how badly you’ve been hurt, stopping the other person or situation making you feel this way over and over again is the best form of retribution.

It does take practice and time to be able to forgive and shift your attitude but the more mindfulness you practice the easier it becomes. You could initially start on something smaller that affects you and build up to the bigger causes of pain as you become more proficient at it. You must forgive with kindness, compassion and genuinely mean it and remember the only person you are doing this for, is you, nobody else.


John Burley

John Burley lives in Hertfordshire in the United Kingdom and is the author of Mindfulness for the Mindless due for publication on 2nd April 2018. He is also the director of a software development company producing software solutions to mainly the gaming industry. He blogs about mindfulness at http://www.amindfulway.blog which has a growing following both on the blog itself, the accompanying Android app and on social media too.

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